The Confidence Gap: Why Women Hold Back and How to Break Free
Midlife confidence—it’s that seemingly magical quality we admire in others but often struggle to find within ourselves, especially in midlife. This season of life should be about freedom: freedom from societal pressures, the expectations of others, and the constant need for approval. Yet, for many women, it doesn’t feel that way. Instead, doubts linger, opportunities are missed, and dreams remain just out of reach.
The culprit? The confidence gap—a concept that explains why women, particularly in midlife, hesitate to fully step into their power. But here’s the silver lining: understanding this gap is the first step to closing it.
Let’s unpack why this happens and, more importantly, how you can break free and own your potential.
What Is the Confidence Gap?
The confidence gap refers to the disconnect between ability and belief. Women, even when highly skilled and capable, are more likely than men to underestimate themselves or hesitate to seize opportunities. It’s a pattern rooted in societal and cultural conditioning, reinforced over decades.
Here’s what often fuels this gap:
- Internalized societal expectations: Women are conditioned to prioritize perfectionism and likability, leading to overthinking and hesitation.
- Cultural messaging: Narratives that midlife equals decline sap confidence and perpetuate the idea of “invisibility.”
- Fear of judgment: Years of juggling roles and responsibilities can make stepping into new challenges feel risky or overwhelming.
A study by Psychological Bulletin found that perfectionism has increased by 33% among women over the past three decades, fueled by societal pressures to meet unrealistic standards. This tendency can contribute to overthinking, self-doubt, and hesitation to take bold steps.
Why Midlife Women Are Hit Hardest
Midlife is often viewed as a time of transition—career shifts, empty nests, and changes in health. But instead of feeling empowered, many women find themselves questioning their relevance and worth.
Why does this happen?
- Outdated beliefs: Many women carry scripts from their past that no longer serve them but still dictate their self-worth.
- Compounding pressures: Navigating major life changes can amplify self-doubt.
- Lack of representation: Seeing fewer examples of thriving midlife women in media and leadership can reinforce feelings of invisibility.
Only 25% of leadership roles in the U.S. are held by women, and even fewer by women over 50, according to a 2022 report by McKinsey & Company. This underrepresentation in leadership and media perpetuates feelings of invisibility and self-doubt among midlife women navigating transitions. It also underscores the challenge of finding role models and the systemic factors contributing to the confidence gap for midlife women.
Breaking Free: Lessons from Real Women
One inspiring example is Julia Child. Before becoming a culinary icon, Julia spent much of her early life feeling adrift. It wasn’t until her late 30s that she discovered her passion for French cooking.
Starting from scratch, she embraced discomfort, honed her skills, and co-authored the groundbreaking Mastering the Art of French Cooking at age 49. The book faced rejection before becoming a classic, but Julia’s persistence redefined her path. Her journey shows that it’s never too late to embrace your potential—and that confidence often grows through action.
5 Strategies to Close the Confidence Gap
- Reframe Your Inner Dialogue
Pay attention to how you speak to yourself. Replace self-critical thoughts like, “I’m not good enough,” with affirmations such as, “I’m learning and growing every day.” - Lean Into Discomfort
Growth doesn’t happen in your comfort zone. Start small—whether it’s taking a class, speaking up, or pursuing a long-held dream—and celebrate every brave step. - Track Your Wins
Keep a journal or a vision board to document your achievements, no matter how small. Reflecting on progress builds confidence. - Find Role Models and Allies
Surround yourself with inspiring, supportive women. Follow midlife influencers, join communities, and share your journey with like-minded allies. - Take the First Step
Confidence doesn’t appear out of thin air—it’s built through action. Start before you feel “ready.” Progress will fuel your belief in yourself.
From Invisible to Invincible
Midlife is your time to thrive, not shrink back. Let go of the narratives and expectations that no longer serve you, and step boldly into your potential. The confidence gap may be real, but it’s also conquerable.
Recognize it. Challenge it. Overcome it.
Now it’s your turn. What strategies have helped you build confidence? Share your story in the comments—we’re stronger when we rise together.
Ready to reclaim your confidence and set empowering intentions? Our Intention Cards are designed to inspire and guide you on your journey to self-assurance. Start each day with a positive focus and watch your confidence grow. Explore the Intention Cards Set here.
