finding new friends in midlife
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Finding Friends in Midlife

ByKristine Roberson

Why Support Networks Matter & How to Build Them

I’ve always been the type of person who keeps a small circle of close friends. As an introvert, small talk and making new friends has always been a challenge for me. Even opening up to others has been excruciating. I never really considered the importance of finding friends in midlife.

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finding new friends in midlife: me and Paula

Luckily, for most of my life — 37 years to be precise — I never had to worry too much about forging close friendships because I had a best friend. Paula and I met in middle school, and while I’d like to say we were fast friends immediately, that isn’t the truth. Initially, we didn’t like each other. She was way too loud and extroverted for me, and I was way too “Miss Priss” and quiet for her.

But during that first year, we eventually became best friends. She knew all my secrets and I knew hers. Through marriages, childbirth, laughs, and cries, we were there for each other.

finding new friends in midlife: me and Cathi

In 2017, I was lucky enough to meet another wonderful woman, Cathi. We formed a really close, BFF friendship. While Paula was my ride-or-die, Cathi was the friend I could go to for career advice. We had deep conversations about everything. Between these two women, I had connection, confidence, and deep friendships.

Then, on May 16, 2020, Cathi passed away. And on December 3, 2021, Paula passed away too.

While the introvert in me insists I can manage just fine on my own, I know that’s not true. And that’s not what the data shows either.

Midlife is a time of beautiful transformation but also a period of potential upheaval. Empty nests, career shifts, and societal messages about aging can leave us feeling isolated and off-balance. That’s where the power of a strong support network comes in.

These networks, be they close friends, online communities, or local groups, are more than just coffee dates and shared laughter. They’re lifelines, offering emotional support, practical advice, and a powerful sense of belonging. Studies have shown that strong social connections in midlife can lead to better mental and physical health, increased resilience, and a greater sense of purpose.

Finding New Friends in Midlife Can Lead to Health Benefits

  1. Mental Health Improvement: Studies have shown that individuals with strong social connections are less likely to suffer from depression and anxiety. Social support acts as a buffer against stress and helps maintain psychological well-being. According to a study published in the American Journal of Psychiatry, people with strong social ties have a 50% increased likelihood of survival compared to those with weaker connections.
  2. Longevity: Research from Harvard suggests that individuals with robust social relationships are more likely to live longer. Social isolation can increase the risk of mortality by about 30%, which is comparable to the risks associated with smoking and obesity.
  3. Physical Health: Strong social networks can lead to better cardiovascular health. A study published in the Journal of the American Heart Association found that social isolation and loneliness were linked to a 29% increased risk of heart attack and a 32% increased risk of stroke.

Wasn’t it so much easier when we were kids? Our moms tossed us outside for the day, and we just played with other kids. But how do we do it as adults, let alone midlifers? How do we build these vital connections when life seems to be spinning at a million miles an hour?

Practical Tips to Creating a Network of Friends

Here are a few tips from the experts:

  • Reclaim old friendships: This is something I’m working on at the moment. Have friends you haven’t connected with in a while? Reach out! Reconnect over coffee or a phone call. You might be surprised at how much you still have in common.
  • Explore your interests: Join a book club, a hiking group, or a local volunteer organization. Finding activities you enjoy is a great way to meet like-minded people who share your passions. This is one of the reasons for HealthyHerMidlife! I’m exploring my interests, and hoping I’ll find a few like-minded friends along the way. Taking up new hobbies or educational courses can introduce you to new social circles and give you common ground with others. A study in the Journal of Vocational Behavior found that continuous learning and personal development contribute to social integration and job satisfaction.
  • Be open and vulnerable: Finding new friends in midlife requires vulnerability. Share your joys and struggles with potential friends, and be open to theirs.
  • Be the giver, not just the taker: Strong friendships are a two-way street. Offer support, celebrate your friends’ successes, and be a listening ear when they need you.
  • Go first: Mel Robbins, in one of her podcast episodes, discusses that the biggest key to happiness is a connection to others. In the episode, she encourages listeners to be open to meeting people. Be the first to say hi to someone.
  • Leverage technology: Online platforms can be powerful tools for building and maintaining connections. Platforms like Facebook, Meetup, and even LinkedIn can help you find groups with similar interests. According to a Pew Research Center survey, 45% of adults aged 50 and older use social media, which can help maintain social bonds.

4 More Ideas to Try…

  • Participate in community events: Local community centers, libraries, and clubs often host events and activities. Participating in these can help you meet new people and form new connections. Community engagement is associated with increased happiness and reduced stress.
  • Practice active listening: Active listening, which involves fully concentrating, understanding, responding, and remembering what is being said, can significantly improve the quality of your interactions. It fosters deeper and more meaningful connections, as shown in a study published in the Journal of Experimental Social Psychology.
  • Join support groups: For those experiencing specific life challenges, support groups can offer a sense of understanding and community. The Mayo Clinic notes that support groups can help reduce feelings of loneliness, improve coping skills, and provide valuable information and resources.
  • Engage in physical activities: Group exercise classes, sports teams, or fitness clubs are excellent ways to meet people. Physical activities can enhance mood and energy levels, making social interactions more enjoyable. The American Psychological Association highlights that exercise can also reduce stress, anxiety, and depression.

… and finally, one odd one

Oddly enough, a daily practice that requires turning inward in solitude can also help improve social interactions. It turns out that research shows that mindfulness can increase empathy and improve relationships.

I remind myself that building a support network takes time and effort. For me, I know it won’t happen overnight. But because the rewards are immeasurable, I’ll take my time and enjoy the process. Investing in these connections means I’m also investing in my own well-being and creating a space where I can truly thrive.

So, maybe we can do this together? What do you think? Let’s step outside our comfort zones and embrace finding new friends in midlife. If I’m trying and you’re trying, then that means we are not alone. There’s a whole village of future friends out there!

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